I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
