Banned from zoo.
Again?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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