I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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