that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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