I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
