His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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