if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
