You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
