i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I wish there were birth control emojis
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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