his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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