I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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