okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
