Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
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