I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
