Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
