you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
