i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i came on her dog
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
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