She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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