Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
