Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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