It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
