allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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