what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
There r osticjed everywhere
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
