i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
