grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
