giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
