I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
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