its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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