He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
