First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
