Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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