Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
