i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
