how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Found your dick twin last night
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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