his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
