we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
