your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Apparently you make a good broom.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
