even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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