She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
