I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
