What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
