Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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