Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
