Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
