remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
