why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
