Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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