I puked a lego.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
