Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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