Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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